Is it possible to miss someone even before they are gone? I wonder that a lot.
Have I said that before?
It’s funny how emotions can creep up on you sometimes. I have been doing pretty well lately. Cry scale around a 1. But today I was waiting to pick up the 4 year old from preschool and it just hit me hard. My Dad is going to die way sooner than I ever expected. It sucks. I hate it. It’s not fair. It makes me angry. I’m going to have a hard time when it finally happens. I don’t want to go through that. The loss. The crying. The emptiness. I don’t want to do it. EVER. In my mind I wish that there could be some big huge disaster that could just happen and wipe out everyone I love and myself at the same time so none of us would have to be without the others. We could just die together.
I’m not crazy, I promise. Just dreading the aftermath of it all.
My dad celebrated his 68th birthday last month and this was my Facebook post for the day:
Happy Birthday to my father. He has taught me so much over the past 42 years. How to fish (hated it, but can do it if necessary), camp (same as fish), ride a bike, helped me with homework, how to be a selfless loving person (I’m still working on that, he has it mastered), and most of all what a true father is to his family. I was adopted and I know that any child that my parents adopted would have been the luckiest in the world. I am glad it was me. I could never have wished for a better father. Thanks Dad, I love you!!!
On a more positive note, my dad is doing very well right now. He is on a trip with my mom and their best friends. They are going to ride a train and sight see around Colorado. I am so glad he gets to do it. I am glad he feels well enough to do it.