23 Week Update

Is it possible to miss someone even before they are gone?  I wonder that a lot.

Have I said that before?

It’s funny how emotions can creep up on you sometimes.  I have been doing pretty well lately.  Cry scale around a 1.  But today I was waiting to pick up the 4 year old from preschool and it just hit me hard.  My Dad is going to die way sooner than I ever expected.  It sucks.  I hate it.  It’s not fair. It makes me angry.  I’m going to have a hard time when it finally happens.  I don’t want to go through that.  The loss.  The crying.  The emptiness.  I don’t want to do it.  EVER.  In my mind I wish that there could be some big huge disaster that could just happen and wipe out everyone I love and myself at the same time so none of us would have to be without the others.  We could just die together.

I’m not crazy, I promise.  Just dreading the aftermath of it all.

My dad celebrated his 68th birthday last month and this was my Facebook post for the day:

Happy Birthday to my father.  He has taught me so much over the past 42 years. How to fish (hated it, but can do it if necessary), camp (same as fish), ride a bike, helped me with homework, how to be a selfless loving person (I’m still working on that, he has it mastered), and most of all what a true father is to his family. I was adopted and I know that any child that my parents adopted would have been the luckiest in the world. I am glad it was me. I could never have wished for a better father. Thanks Dad, I love you!!!

On  a more positive note, my dad is doing very well right now.  He is on a trip with my mom and their best friends.  They are going to ride a train and sight see around Colorado.  I am so glad he gets to do it.  I am glad he feels well enough to do it.

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2 thoughts on “23 Week Update

  1. I’m glad your dad is still doing well. And yes, you can miss someone even before they are really gone. Also, it’s a wicked long way to say goodbye – seeing a loved one die from cancer. My mom’s almost at the end of it all since this morning. I hope it will be fast now and that she won’t suffer anymore. Considering all, I’m pretty calm at the moment. Of course the tears come when I see her or when my grannie was holding her hand and saying a prayer but in general I’m calm. I had lots of time, preparing for this and I’m relieved that it’s here at last. Sorry that this comment went to become so depressing. Big hugs to you!

  2. It is a wicked long way to say goodbye. I totally agree with that statement. Never really thought of it that way, but totally true. I am so sorry to hear about your mom. I hope she doesn’t suffer either and slips away peacefully. I don’t think all the time in the world can prepare us for dealing with the end. We wait for it, and sometimes pray for it, but we can never be ready I think. You are such a strong woman though and I know you will pull through. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Wishing you comfort and peace right now.

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