The Good, The Bad, The Ugly

The Good:  My dad is happy.  Can still move around fine.  Hasn’t had any serious falls.  Can feed himself.  Isn’t sleeping all the time and has a good appetite (due to the increase in his steroids currently.)

The Bad:  He can’t form coherent sentences now.  He is substituting words right and left.  (Last night he asked my brother that is visiting him if he would like to come in the other room and cut off some ears or two or maybe cut ’em off and see what cut ’em.  My brother assumed he wanted to know if he wanted some dessert.)    He is forgetting people’s names, and he is having problem with incontinence. He also has no common sense.

The Ugly:  The post op MRI  showed that the tumor had “exploded” (doctor’s word). He has 3 new tumors that have just happened since his surgery November 30th. They have also crossed over to the other side of his brain.  He has a right and left frontal tumor, a left temporal tumor and the satellite tumor he has had since the beginning is still there.  He isn’t a candidate for Gamma Knife surgery.  He could still try the Avastin but it would only give him a 30% chance of another 4-6 months. The doctor said if it was his loved one he would discontinue treatment and call hospice.

With how fast these 3 new tumors have grown (19 days!), and he had the chemo wafers implanted at the sight where they removed the last tumor on November 30th (It is one of the places a new tumor has grown) my mom is having a hard time deciding what to do.  People keep telling me be optimistic, be positive,  keep fighting, don’t quit,  something may come down the road and save him.  But how long do you put your loved one through all of these treatments and medications before you become realistic? Being hopeful and optimistic is good. We have done that for the past 10 months. But now we are to the realistic point. My mom doesn’t want to see him struggle anymore or put him through more surgeries or drugs that will make him feel worse rather than better. With the doctors only giving her a 30% chance of the Avastin working (not to mention the cost, $1000 a round just for the medication) she is thinking maybe it is time to let him go peacefully and happy like he is now. It is such a tough decision.

First and foremost we want him to be happy and comfortable. Not sick and miserable. Sometimes I feel when my mom and I are talking like we are talking about the family pet. Which is a horrible feeling. You don’t ever want to give up on someone you love but you also want what is best for them and what will make them the happiest. Gah…I hate this. I wish we had a crystal ball that would tell us if the Avastin would do any good or not.

I suggested to my mom that maybe she should try just one round of the Avastin and see how he handles it, if it makes any difference and go from there. She met with 2 other of his doctors this week and neither of them have given her any information that is helping with her decision.  So thoughts and prayers for my mom would be much appreciated.


One thought on “The Good, The Bad, The Ugly

  1. There is no crystal ball, nobody can tell you what happens but that was a very fast progression though not uncommon for the sort of tumor. Sorry to hear that.

    My Mom wanted to go through with all the therapy, it was the only thing she could think about, she never lost hope that it would maybe change the outcome but it didn’t. I cannot even say if it helped or worsened things.

    The hospice is a good place, I was blown away by the care Mom and also Granny and me got there even though it was a quick stay. It’s a special place and not as sterile as a hospital at least not in my experience. I would do it again even though I had no influence on it really.

    Your mom is probably the one most affected from your dad’s disease and the one that has the biggest decision to make. God it’s so awful. Thinking of you and praying for all of you.

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