1 Year

Today is the one year date from my dad’s diagnosis with stage IV Glioblastoma Multiforme.

He lived 302 days after diagnosis.

10 months, 1 week and 2 days.

I wrote a post here wondering if I’d rather have someone die suddenly or know that their time was short.  I think I’ve decided that I would want to know.

I hate this cancer.  I hate all cancer, but this one is a mean relentless beast.  I am trying to take the positives out of all this.  One of the biggest positives we got was we knew our time was limited.  I talked to my dad almost every day on the phone.  I told my dad I loved him more than 302 times in those 10 months.  It was the last thing I said to him before he died.   I have the peace of mind that he KNEW I loved him and I knew he loved me. No second guessing that fact.

My family is pretty close.  I usually would see my parents at least once a month.  Knowing my dad was going to die sooner made those last visits more meaningful and special. I am glad I had that.  I am glad I have those memories now.

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2012-04-28 13.29.09

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8 thoughts on “1 Year

  1. Oh, sister. I’m hugging you across this blog. I love your pictures. I agree with you, I’d much rather know ahead of time. My mom and I had the most wonderful healing in our relationship, and we shared more love in the few short months we had together than we would have in another thirty years. My best friend was killed instantly by a drunk driver 6 years ago. We were best friends for 35 years (since age 2), and we had the most amazing friendship with zero arugments or issues to resolve. I’m thankful for that.

    I’m convinced knowing is a gift. a horrible gift, but one nonetheless.

    How’s your mom doing? How are you processing?

  2. You have the most beautiful family to be so very thankful for.
    Thank you for sharing the photos with me..
    Surround yourself with the people that love you..
    Wishing you happier days ahead..
    Aloha from Hawaii

  3. My mother has been recently diagnosed with the same affliction. It was only discovered after she suddenly stopped making sense one day. A tumor had formed in her left hemisphere near her speech centers. She’s had surgery but her speech impairment remains and is expected to get worse. With standard treatment she might live a year. I have been calling every other day but I am going to take your advice and try and talk to her every single day we have left.

    • John I am very sorry about your mom’s diagnosis. I was angry for a long time about my dad’s. I don’t like not having control, and with this cancer you have none. I found peace with it, but it took a longer than I wish it had now looking back. If you can take anything from my blog/experience have it be not wasting these last months/years with her. Be kind and patient. Especially in the ending weeks. I don’t really know how aware my dad was about what was going on, but sometimes he seemed very sad and defeated. I would always make sure to give him an extra hug or hold his hand for a minute longer than normal. I would try to hold a “normal” conversation with him even when he was struggling with his words. I would get off the phone and cry more times than not, but at least I knew he had heard me say “I love you” that day. I miss him. This is a hard road to travel. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Please don’t hesitate to contact me via email or here on the blog if you just want to talk or ask ANY questions. I have been so lucky to have “met” so many great people through the internet that helped me over the past year. ~Heather

      • Thanks for your thoughtful reply. I wouldn’t say I’m angry. Getting mad at malfunctioning cells is like getting mad at rocks. I am going to allow myself to get upset and grieve and I will keep your remarks about the last few weeks in mind. Thanks again for your kind words.

  4. Whelp, you gave my goosebumps. Btw, I had a weird dream last night in which you were marring in the backyard of the house I used to live in as a kid and I was asked to give you away. Dunno where that came from 😀

  5. Pingback: Learning Experience | Trying To Survive One Moment At A Time

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