After – 3 Months

Tomorrow it will be 3 months since my dad’s death.  I have a lot I could say, but really am not much in the mood to write today. I will hit on the main things that have been going on.

* I’ve been super emotional the past 2 weeks.  I think I finally “crashed” and hit the bottom.  I got very sick and ended up in the ER 4 times in 3 days. (A nice $10,000 bill).  I ended sleeping most of the week and being switched from drug to drug.  I don’t remember much of it all.  Things are fine now.  All fixed.  But it left me emotionally and physically drained.

* My dad’s headstone was put in some time this week.  We don’t know exactly when since they didn’t call my mom to tell her.  But my cousin stopped by the cemetery Wednesday and it was in.  It is kind of the last piece of the puzzle.  Everything is done now.  Blah… it still all really sucks a lot.

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* My mom is still doing great.  She bought a new car.  She has been keeping herself really busy with traveling to visit us kids, church, and her friends.  She is amazing.  So strong.  Although I don’t think I would know if she was really sad.  She isn’t one to talk about it.

* Things have gotten easier.  I don’t want anyone reading this to think that it doesn’t get easier or less painful.  Because it does.  It doesn’t ache anymore.  I can go a few days without crying now.  It does still hit me at odd times.  Like our car battery died the other day and I wanted to ask my dad where he had purchased it (we have had their old car for a while now).  But I couldn’t, and that made me mad.

* I read an article the other day that had a comment in it that struck me.  It was about one of the students that attends the university that I work for.  He is on the basketball team and went into full cardiac arrest during practice a few months ago.  Due to fast thinking coaches he survived.  He said in an interview that he could spend all his time worrying (in his case about his own health) or he could spend his time doing what he was supposed to be doing here on earth.  And enjoy it.  I think grief can be all-consuming.  I think it is hard not to dwell on what was or what could have been.  It is hard not to miss someone so much that it interferes with living life.  You have to find a balance.  Which is really easy to type, but very hard to do.  But I am trying to be more in the now.   Be a better mom and wife.  But sometimes I still need to go cry in the bathroom with the door shut.

* Oh Bon Jovi was fun.  It was a nice day with my husband.

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One thought on “After – 3 Months

  1. It hits me at odd times too. One day I was sitting in the office at uni and I suddenly had all these feelings and I needed to leave to cry in peace and privacy. It doesn’t happen often though. I’m still having the dreams where sick!mom is alive and I could totally do without them but I’m also curious as to how long they will actually last and if/when they disappear.

    It makes me a little sad that she won’t be here to celebrate my graduation from university.

    And now I feel bad because I dumped all this stuff into your comment. I’m glad you are doing better even though you had to hit bottom first but that’s normal I guess. Take care and lots of hugs for you!

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