They always tell you that the first year of “firsts” after someone dies is the hardest. So I have prepared myself, and I imagine mom has too. Mother’s day was this past weekend and mom came and spent part of the weekend with us. It was a lot of fun. We barbequed and had a big Mother’s day brunch. We gave her a gift and a card and she gave me a card as usual. Opening it and seeing Love Mom and not the word Dad on it was hard. It is still so strange to not see him following her in the front door when she comes to visit.
We went to church and I looked down the row and just automatically expected to see my dad sitting next to her. The first hymn we sang was called “Oh My Father”. Really? On Mother’s Day? I couldn’t even sing it. The first verse goes like this:
O my Father, thou that dwellest
In the high and glorious place,
When shall I regain thy presence
And again behold thy face?
In thy holy habitation,
Did my spirit once reside?
In my first primeval childhood
Was I nurtured near thy side?
I do realize that this song is about living with our Father in Heaven again, but it is hard not to take a different meaning of it right now. I am so tired of crying about stupid stuff like that. It is frustrating.
But I am learning to shake it off, move on, trying to enjoy the moment. It is what it is, as my dad would say.
My mom is doing well. Traveling still visiting us 3 kids. She is keeping very busy. She is such a great example of how to cope after a death of a spouse. I myself would still be crawled up in a ball in my bed.