Out of all the “firsts” so far I think the 4th of July has been the hardest. Weird. It isn’t like it was my birthday, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day or Memorial Day. Those days sucked, don’t get me wrong. But the 4th was especially hard for me. One reason was because a year ago at this time I just prayed and prayed he would still be with us this year. You can read that post here.
That empty seat next to my mom made my heart hurt.
Another reason it was so hard is because it is my oldest son’s birthday. He was born on July 4th 22 years ago. This is the first birthday of my dad’s oldest grandson/granchild he has missed. It was all a little melancholy and emotional.
This is the last picture we took with my boys and dad. It was 17 days before he died.
I really don’t know what else to say. I’m angry and sad at the same time. I felt like I had come to terms with all of this, but then WHAM my brain says “No way, you need to cry about it for another BAZILLION years.”
Thank heavens I have an appointment with my therapist today…..