After – 5 Months

Out of all the “firsts” so far I think the 4th of July has been the hardest.  Weird.  It isn’t like it was my birthday, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day or Memorial Day.  Those days sucked, don’t get me wrong.  But the 4th was especially hard for me.  One reason was because a year ago at this time I just prayed and prayed he would still be with us this year.  You can read that post here.

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That empty seat next to my mom made my heart hurt.

Another reason it was so hard is because it is my oldest son’s birthday.  He was born on July 4th 22 years ago.  This is the first birthday of my dad’s oldest grandson/granchild he has missed. It was all a little melancholy and emotional.

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This is the last picture we took with my boys and dad.  It was 17 days before he died.

I really don’t know what else to say.  I’m angry and sad at the same time.  I felt like I had come to terms with all of this, but then WHAM my brain says “No way, you need to cry about it for another BAZILLION years.”

Thank heavens I have an appointment with my therapist today…..

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4 thoughts on “After – 5 Months

  1. I really hope this gets better once the year of firsts is over. I cried over getting the result of me thesis because my Mom was not there to be happy with me. I spent the entire car ride from school crying.

  2. I know exactly how you feel . My dad passed June 3rd, 2013. We found out about his brain cancer (metastatic from colon) on March 24, 2013. The only word I can express is heartbroken. I pray you find peace. Big hug.

  3. Jenn – I am very sorry for your loss. I am glad though that you contacted me. It is nice to know that others understand the heartache and that you are not alone. Peace and comfort to you!

    WS – Yeah for the thesis being done!!!! Your mom is so proud of you right now. I have no doubt. I understand your feelings though. I cry a lot in the car. For no reason. Hugs to you and Congrats on such a big accomplishment!

  4. It has helped me reading your blog the last few months. The day your dad died, we were on day 3 of our timelime of getting diagnosed with GBM. Dad passed away on June 5th, 2013.. just 4 months and 4 days after diagnosis. You were blessed with the time you got with him. I wish I would have gotten a litle more. And yes.. these “firsts” have been horrible… Father’s day was the first event after his death, then the 4th… for some reason.. Labor Day has been one of the hardest.

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