After – 2 Months

I have had a lot of people ask me how my mom is doing.  We went down and spent Easter weekend with her and she seems to be doing very well.  She is keeping herself very busy.  She is doing some sewing for company (she is an incredible seamstress), volunteering at the local family history center doing some genealogy work, doing some volunteering for her church at the local temple, spending time with friends etc.  The neighbors have been very good to her and invite her to dinner and on outings with them.  She says the hardest part is the evenings and going to bed.  That is when she misses my dad the most.  She is in the process of selling their 5th wheel trailer and truck.  I think it is hard to let them go because she and my dad had so many fun trips in them, but there is no reason she needs such a big truck and trailer now.  It made me sad when she told me she was selling them.

It was the first time I had been down to my parents house since the funeral.  I had a lot of anxiety about it.  It was strange not having my dad there.  I kept waiting for him to walk into the kitchen or outside.  I miss him. We had fun doing Easter eggs and my husband got a lot of yard work done for my mom.  My daughter and I went to church with mom on Sunday.  I had to keep explaining to her that we weren’t going to a funeral, but just to church.  I am a horrible mom, I should take her to church more often.

Out of all the members of my family I am having the hardest time with my dad’s death.  My mom and I talked about him and those last few days together and that helped me a lot.  I don’t think she likes to talk about it much, but I am glad she did with me.  I have been seeing a therapist and think that is helping me too.  I do go a few days without crying now, which is an improvement.  Little things will catch me off guard though.  The other day I went in to change my beneficiaries on my 401K and retirement now that I am married.  I had my dad as the main beneficiary.  When I went in to change it a screen popped up and asked me “Are you sure you want to delete John Allan Swenson?” with the delete button next to it.  I cried for 15 minutes before I could change it.  Stupid…..

We ordered his headstone and it should be put in by Memorial Day. It is a little disconcerting to see my mom’s name on it too.

So little by little things are easier, or I should say bearable.  Spring is here and all the snow has FINALLY melted from our yard.  Yeah!

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This is the wreath that we had at the funeral by the casket.  My sister replaced the real flowers with silk flowers as they dried up.  I think it turned out beautiful and is such a great keepsake for my mom.  I don’t think I would have chosen to display it in the family room though.  It was weird to see it sitting right there every time I walked into the room because that is where his hospital bed was and where he died.  But my mom likes it there and it is her house. And maybe I am just over thinking it….

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