This was our 4th Memorial Day without my dad. It is still hard to comprehend that it has been that long.
These past few weeks have been hectic at our house with some big milestones. My son graduated from high school and my daughter was baptized. I remember one of my first thoughts after dad was diagnosed was that he was going to miss these specific events. The few weeks leading up to all this were hard. I would cry every time I thought about it. The graduation didn’t end up being as hard as the baptism. My dad would have been the one to perform my daughter’s baptism. Instead my brother did. Which was wonderful. We (My brother, Rachel and I) had a little melt down cry in the hall right before he did the baptism. But it turned out beautifully. My dad was there, we could feel the peace surrounding us.
When they posed for these pictures my mom said “Leave room for grandpa.”
We’ve been helping my mom clean out her house. It’s amazing what you can accumulate in 45 years of marriage. I found one of my dad’s journals he kept when I was 10-15 yrs old. I’m not all the way through it yet but it is comforting to be reading his words.
Thank you all for your kind emails and comments. I read them all and I apologize if I don’t respond immediately. I do pray for you and hope you all have peace in your experiences.
Trying To Survive One Moment At A Time 
All I can say is, thank god I found your writing. My dad was diagnosed the day after Mother’s Day and I feel completely lost. Every post I’ve read by you so far is exactly how my heart feels. Thank you thank you thank you for being strong enough to write it.
I am glad that my experiences can help others feel like they are less alone. Every time I get a new message or post my heart hurts for each of you. I am so sorry you have to be going through this with your dad. I truly wish you comfort and peace.
Again your timing is heaven sent. Dad passed away yesterday and we know the real feeling of peace.
I am so so sorry. I honestly can say I know how you are feeling right now. I promise you after all this whirlwind of memorial services and getting back to the new “normal” happens you will feel better. If someone had told me that the day after my dad died I would have found it hard to believe them, but sure would have hoped it were true. It is. It does take time though. Don’t be hard on yourself. I still cry sometimes, and miss him all the time. But your heart will lighten. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.